Episode 6 – What are Money Scripts? Learn How to Identify Them and Why - Danielle Howard

Episode 6 – What are Money Scripts? Learn How to Identify Them and Why


[00:00:05] Welcome to the Wealth Done Differently Retirement Podcast. Danielle Howard a certified financial planner shares insight into the financial tools techniques and temperaments needed to make the most of your retirement dollars and relationships. Danielle reaches the gap between Wall Street Main Street bringing complex financial topics down to earth. Danielle will educate and inspire you as you define and refine your version of prosperity. Hello and welcome to another podcast with Danielle Howard as we continue to peel back the onion layers and layers deeper within our conversation. Things start happening and one of the things that Danielle talks about in her book that happens is you start uncovering money scripts which are like kind of tapes that play in your brain about how you feel about money and also attitudes about money. So Danielle I’m really excited to learn about this from you so let’s talk about what these scripts are. Give us some examples of some scripts. Walk us through this. Hi Matt there has been a lot of work done in this area but it’s only kind of coming to the surface as far as how it is playing out in our in our lives. We’ve all experienced you know people who you know money is just an easy going thing for them or money. It’s like the last thing they want to talk about. Well if we’re starting to have these conversations we’re going to have a better sense of who we are and how our relationship plays into our behaviors. So we want look at our belief systems and where those came from.

[00:02:11] When I talk about a money script we all have scripts running around in our head about a variety of different things about what you know, how we think we look, or how we have relationships with other people. When we look at money, those scripts have been written in our heads over a lifetime. And as I’m working with retirees, pre-retirees, and people who are kind of looking at that retirement horizon sometime in the next 10 to 15 years we need to address some of those. Are they serving you, or are they holding you back? As I look at what people’s money scripts are again it’s about asking questions and one of the questions you can ask yourself or somebody close to you is you’re sitting down at dinner tonight is what are some of your early memories around money? And not only around money, but maybe how money came into your life? So what was your first experience around earning money or what was your first experience over receiving money? What was your early memories around giving money or what was the first spending choice you made. What did you what did you buy and how did that work out for you? This really uncovers a lot of where people how people feel about their money if they’ve had positive or negative experiences. And what I find is that based on those early memories you are going to uncover behavior patterns. We’ve we’ve we’ve heard of people taking a scripture quote which I’ve heard my entire life the love of money is the root of all evil and I have heard that misquoted so many times as to money is the root of all evil and you can really take a divergent path which ever thought processes in your head.

[00:04:01] So if you believe that money is the root of all labor what behaviors come out of that. All right. So you may have a belief system that money is evil and I’ve heard this over and over again through my 23 years of working with clients. If you believe that money is evil that may impact what career choice you have and it may not be a evil evil. But money is bad. It’s going to impact the career choice may impact your ability to bring money into your life with integrity and dignity because you think money is bad you need to decide is this mindset serving me or has it held me back. Money is just a tool. It doesn’t have a character but sometimes we let it overcome our behaviors and overcome our mindsets to lead us in directions that don’t serve us. So as you ask yourself what type of memories do I have around different areas of money my money experience and we look at is that mindset helping me or is it holding me back. And is there something I need to rewrite is there something that I need to consider and what would it take for me to make a 1 percent change in that attitude or that thought or is ask myself Is that always true. So for example if you believe that money is bad can you find some examples of when money is good.

[00:05:29] If it provides people with their basic needs and it’s just a medium of exchange and it can provide you with things that are necessary for life there are times when money is good it can be invested in companies that are doing good in the world and making good rates of return but providing a good corporate culture. And and you know providing a good rate of return money can be used for good. It can also be used for evil. So we need to choose which direction we want to go. As we look at our money scripts understanding that they’re not right or wrong they just are. And an understanding that what do we need to look at at changing if we want to change. Some people are perfectly comfortable with their mindsets around money and they like being in a hole whatever the hole that may be in. But if you want to you know grow and thrive and bring about facilitate change in your life. One percent direction do you want to head. Because that’s going to take you in an entirely different trajectory. I love that you just said the thoughts around it aren’t good or bad they just are. That’s a super super powerful statement. Now when you run up against these against again I’m I’m making a pejorative right making in a negative. But when you when you uncover these scripts or attitudes about money. What what do you do. How do you navigate that. I will give you a personal my own personal life. I have a preponderance of my Cuney every personality is going to be towards being a planner. Being a saver. Gosh that’s why am I in the industry. I mean but I can have that be an opportunity or it can be an obstacle in my life.

[00:07:32] And for many many years it was an obstacle in that I didn’t like to spend money. I would just want to save it all. And that could lead me to be a hoarder. It can lead me to be fearful about life it can lead me to not experience things in my my life and use my money for for things that bring me joy. So it took me a while to understand my own financial personality maybe where that came from both my genetic makeup and my you know my family history and what my environment had laid out for me. So yeah it’s a combination of a lot of moving parts that led me to be in that place. I’m going to be a planner and I am going to be a good saver but understanding that that inherent in it is both an opportunity and it can hold me back. So I needed to come into balance with that understanding the positive aspects of being a planner and understanding what you know what I’m missing out on because I was a really good saver and in that I was able to balance out my life I was able to learn a little bit more on how to enjoy the moment I’m spending money on things that feed my soul and you know are important to me and as I walk along other alongside other people and I have tools that I’m able to use to just create an awareness. I’m not here to judge. I’m on a journey myself.

[00:09:14] So as we look at that journey in everybody’s life if it’s something that that part of that money script or that personality that is holding them back and they want to change it we might step into some action steps. Well dip your toes into this. For example myself I had to be comfortable with maybe going out to eat a little more often and being within safe spending boundaries enjoying it instead of going Wow I could have you know put that aside for down the road I needed to learn more how to enjoy my my my day. It was maybe being a little more spontaneous and being willing to part with a taller. I’m being transparent this was this was a journey for me and other people as they are on their journey. Need to just say what area would I like to cultivate. What area I’d like to step into a little bit. That’s going to help me bring some balance to my life and help me enjoy my life a little bit more. No you just said something about money attitudes. There are different attitudes you’ve uncovered. Right so you kind of just talked about one I’m assuming that that kind of plan or very cautious is when one or the other money attitudes you can be carefree with your money. That money isn’t really a priority in your life it just happens. You can be a giver with your money that it helps you feel good by helping others. Money may provide status in your life it helps you to present that positive image. Money can be security it can be. That means to help you feel safe and that you’re in control and money can provide spontaneity that you use money to just enjoy the moment.

[00:11:14] So yeah again there are no right and wrong with these general money attitudes but you want to understand the opportunities and the challenges inherent in each one of them in order to optimize your financial potential. And you can have big they can be overlapping right so it’s not black and white there’s a swirl around you can be a little bit of a bunch of those right. Most definitely. Most people have combinations they will see a preponderance in one area and they may feel there’s no way I would even ever want to be. You know that that other part. But but the bottom line is you want to have a little bit of all of these to have a robust vital thriving financial life and when you’re having this conversation you have an ultimate goal. We’re talking about the scripts talking about money attitudes. What is the goal and why is this goal so important. I think it’s important for people to understand who they are and the opportunities and challenges. And I think it’s also important for you to understand who the other people are in your life. So for example my husband was more of a spontaneous person and I was more of the planner. And so you combine those two and you wonder why 50 percent of marriages end in divorce over money because what happens is people will end up polarizing as time goes by. Oh you never save any money while you never have any fun edgy going opposite directions or you could recognize those personalities understand that they’re not right or wrong. Let go of the blame and let go of the shame and then understand the opportunities inherent in that.

[00:13:03] And my husband was able to see wow it is important that we plan and that we save and that we give and I had to embrace yes we need to be a little bit more spontaneous. And I need to be a little bit more carefree with my money. So I was able to bring those aspects out over time and it has helped us to build a better communication. It’s helped us to make wiser decisions with our money because we’re able to spend within safe boundaries have some fun with that while we’re still planning for our future and the goals that we have. Yeah it is really shocking how many people money is one of the major causations or motivations for for divorce and in a lot of them are having these conversations right and that’s that’s where somebody like you can come in and have these conversations and uncover a lot of different things. I absolutely love this. I think this is a whole bunch of fun. What else do we need to know that’s under the surface. I think it all boils back down to core values. There’s a lot of resources out there that you can just go to values dot com and refresh yourself on what is a value. It’s what is important to me. I think that we have let the social media and our world just press in on us and tell us what we’re supposed to think is important. And we’ve gotten away from taking a deep breath looking at ourselves having simple profound conversations about what’s truly important in life. And that’s that’s where we need to start. So come back to those basic conversations. Why is money important to us.

[00:14:56] What are we wanting to have it do for us as we move into our tire meant our Fall Season of Life. All that changes because you know we’re seeing the kids who are away. Our goals used to be around well let’s get the kids through their advanced education or let’s look at what it’s going to look like to have that second home down the road. Our whole life starts to. The paradigm changes as we move into that requirement phase and we need to revisit that. What is now important. Is it important for us to travel as important for us to give back to community is important for us to be vital participants and our children and our grandchildren lives. And I think is some under undergirding values that everybody is going to be Lobet different for everyone. But how are our financial decisions supporting us and living out those values. What are their what are their steps. Obviously they can they can go ahead and they can buy your book right. Which would be super awesome which is you’re fighting a revolution. What other tools do you have to help initiate these conversations or podcasts or Ted talks or anything like that. Thanks for asking Matt. People can go and download a copy of my monetary manifesto on my Web site. Whether by design number four letter you dot com. You can learn about my eight week retirement course retirement course or we’re going to help you clarify your values and look at all the tools you have to get your financial tools. And that’s at. Howard. Number four letter U. Dot com.

[00:16:42] There are workshops that we can facilitate. We can open up those conversations in intimate settings and we can work with you one on one. Check that out at wealth by design number four letter dot com. All sorts of different ways that we can walk alongside you in this process. Well Daniellele thank you very much for your thought leadership again today. You’re welcome Matt. Thanks for having me. And we will make sure that all of those links that Danielle just talked about are going to be in the show notes. And once again just make sure that if this podcast did resonate with you and there’s somebody that you know clicked that share and Albon blow that way you can share this wisdom with many other people because I’m sure in your life there are people who really do have money scripts who have very interesting attitudes that might need to be adjusted surrounding money and also making sure that people are connecting their values with their money so that they feel like they’re more in control for Danielle Howard. This is Matt Halloran and we’ll see on the other side of the mic very soon. Thank you for listening to the Wealth Done Differently Retirement podcast. Click the subscribe button below to be notified when new episodes become available. The information covered and posted represents the views and opinions of the guest and does not necessarily represent the views or opinions of Wealth By Design LLC. The content has been made available for informational and educational purposes only.

[00:18:05] The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional investing advice always seek the advice of your financial adviser or other qualified service provider with any questions you may have regarding your investment planning. Danielle Howard certified financial planner is an investment adviser representative of investment research Advisors a registered investment adviser. Securities offered through Cambridge investment research Inc a broker dealer member FINRA SIPC Cambridge and Wealth By Design not affiliated.

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